I’ll Say Phobi, You Say A!

So Courtney inspired/forced (noo I’m kidding) me to write a blog about phobias. Because everyone has something that they are scared of, even if they don’t admit it and claim to be tough and not afraid of anything, there’s usually SOMETHING. For me it has always been fears of small spaces (claustophobia) and heights. But it is weird. As time goes on, they’re not such a big deal.

When I was little I would be SO freaked out about both of these things. Okay, so this might be a little weird, but me and my sisters were really cool and “brave” and we would always play this one game when we were hyper. It was called “Black Torture.” Here’s how it worked: say we’re hyper, running around the house. One of us runs into our parents’ empty, dark (thus the black of black torture) bedroom and the other one would chase them in and laugh evilly and yell “Black Torture”!! We would jump on their bed and than hold down, tickle, wrestle on their massive bed to no end (thus the torture of black torture). It was a lot of fun, but one thing that my sister loovvved to torture me with was she would take the blanket and put it over my head/face so that I could not breathe, or at least so that I freaked out and thought that I couldn’t breathe. I would start screaming and yelling, “MICHELLE!! STOP!! LET ME GO!!!”. She thought it was hilarious! Anyways, clearly I’ve always survived, and since than she’s apologized for being so cruel, but I don’t hold a grudge. Anyways so I was always convinced that I was claustophobic. Since than I’ve calmed down a little bit, and although I’m still pretty uncomfortable with being covered in a blanket, it’s not really as big of a deal. I wouldn’t consider myself claustophobic anymore. So it’s weird how it changes.

It’s the same deal with heights. I would be scared just of being on the third step of a ladder in our garage. On occassion at a waterpark I would brave it up to the high diving board, but as soon as I got towards the edge, I would freak and have to climb back down. Embarrassing? Yes. But it was worth the embarrassment to not have to freefall to my wet and certain death. Now, though, I love going on high rollercoasters and although it is still scary at the top of them or on drop zone, I can handle it and I enjoy that thrill!!

So for me these were not phobias. They were childish fears that I pretty much got over. Some people, though have actual phobias and I can’t imagine going through life with such an incredible fear of something that you would miss out on many opportunities because of this mental fear. It’s beyond me how that works, but I guess it’s some sort of genetic/mental thing that they cannot help. (Note: I don’t mean mental like woo-hoo-crazy mental)

Do any of you guys have fears or phobias? Do they affect your life and the way you live?

Six Words

 

 

~ growing flame conspiring to be happy ~

 

 

The Bottom of the Stairs

This is my short story that I wrote…

The Bottom of the Stairs

 

            I don’t know how it got like this. Well, I know how, but it isn’t supposed to get to this. We were in love. Not real love, I guess. We were the high school couple, playing up our roles. I thought Bry was perfect. Smooth skin, tight brown curls, deep, brown eyes. Deep, brown eyes that don’t even look at me anymore. A deep, sultry voice that’s stopped calling me. It’s my fault, though. I couldn’t even get the pills. The worst part was telling him. I didn’t want to, but what was I supposed to say? “Oh, yeah, just gained a few pounds.” Right. He’d believe that. He and everybody else. But I didn’t really care about everybody else. Just Bry.

            The past few weeks I have spent my mornings throwing up my dreams. Into the toilet. No more university, and no more of last night’s dinner. My mom has been asking questions. I guess I’ll have to tell her soon. That’ll be hell, for sure. I don’t really care about that, though. My mom has to love me, but Bry doesn’t. I wish he did.

            We have been dating for five months this Thursday. If we’re still dating, that is. I’ll have to talk to him, convince him this isn’t such a nightmare. I’m planning to corner him this Friday at Steph’s party. Steph always throws the best parties. Her brother is legal so he is always more than willing to buy booze for her and her friends. Plus her parents are often out of town on business trips. Not that they would care, anyways.

            I have been shopping to find an outfit that would catch his eye. I got a low-cut shirt that’ll go great with my favourite jeans that hug me in all the right places. I’ll top it off with my beautiful and lucky necklace that Bry gave me as a gift last Valentine’s Day. That must mean something to him, so I’ll wear it just as an extra.

            It is Friday and all day I’ve been checking my cell phone for times and texts from Bry. My inbox keeps telling me he’s done. My last text from him was two weeks ago. Ouch. The bell rings finally and I run down the halls. I don’t know why I run, my bus leaves at the same time and this won’t get me home faster. Nevertheless, the hope that it will today isn’t absent from my thoughts. I go home and straighten my hair to its full potential, the style that Bry so much loved to run his fingers through. I put on my makeup like a pro artist and stare at myself in the mirror.

            Is this going to be enough to get him to listen? I just don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t matter what I’m wearing. Maybe he’ll just want to listen anyways. Maybe he won’t listen no matter what. Maybe bigger earrings will work. And heels.

            I slip into the party that is well under way. Drunks are already swaggering down the halls. I crinkle my nose in disgust. I haven’t been sober at a party… well pretty much since my tenth birthday party. That was lame. This will be too, I know. I stalk the party, edging my way around the house, my eyes wide open hoping to see the boy I care so much about.

            I finally spot him. That bastard! He is flirting with Lindsay. I can’t believe it. I can see it from all the way across the room, he is being so obvious. I feel my face flush red with fury. I stamp right over there and grab his arm.

            “Excuse me,” I say not too politely to Lindsay as I drag him towards the stairs. He is so surprised that he isn’t fighting back and I’m able to pull him up into one of the bedrooms. I discover a couple making out on the bed. I’m disgusted. “OUT!” I yell.

            “Where do you come off flirting with another girl?” I scream at him. “You can’t just ditch me! Didn’t you hear me last week? I’M PREGNANT… There’s a baby inside of me? And you’re the father! You heard that, right? God, are you kidding me?”

            I admit I’m a little bit pleased by the shock appearing on Bry’s face. Good. He deserves a beating, even just a verbal one. I owe him one. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. His stutters are lost before they even reach me. I try not to glow with pride at overpowering him.

            “Well? What’s our deal?” I say, a little more calmly.

            He looks at me with disbelief and concern in his face. Is he playing the cute card? “Well, I thought you said that you could raise a child on your own. So I thought you didn’t need me anymore.” Is he kidding me? He is blaming this on me? I can feel my face turning red with fury.

            “You have got to be joking! We were watching a fricking Dr. Phil with a mother who is self-obsessed and retarded, so yes, I said I could raise a kid by myself better than she could. That does not mean that I want to do that! I can’t believe you sometimes. You are such an idiot.” It feels good to rag on him a little.

            “Look, Linds was just asking about you and how you were feeling. I wasn’t flirting. Really and for truly, Ash.” He just called her Linds. I can’t believe that. No one calls her Linds. I’m so furious I don’t even see his puppy dog act, being all cutesy. I’m beyond it.

            “No. That’s it. Seriously, it’s over. I’m so pissed. You’re a frickin’ asshole.” I storm out, unable to control the tears flowing from my eyes. My rage is drowning out the sound of his footsteps on the carpet behind me.

            Bry grabs my arm at the top of the stairs, telling me to wait. Half-turning to pull him off of me, my three-inch heel gets caught on the edge of the rug and I’m falling.

            Falling.

            Falling.

            My head hits what feels like nearly every stair. I’m being rolled and shaken. My elbow slams against the railing. The pain is excruciating, but my crying has stopped from shock. I hit the bottom for a final blow and am unable to get up. I’m throbbing, suddenly crying again, my vision is blurred. Someone is holding my elbow tenderly. It’s Bry. He’s calling out, “Someone! Call an ambulance! Call 911! Shit!”

 

*          *          *          *          *          *

 

            I’m in the hospital.  Feel better, but am still really stiff and bruised, and I have a broken wrist, but I’m going to be okay. Bry and I are going to be okay, too. I was so pissed at him that I just wanted to shoot him, but he was so sweet and has been taking such care of me since I fell. Yeah, we’re going to be okay.

            Not everything is okay, though. The baby’s not. I lost it. Apparently rolling down stairs isn’t really ideal for sensitive little babies. I should be happy I guess, no hell from my mom, and now Bry and I don’t have to worry about a kid. I’m not really, though. I feel like a horrible mother, and I wasn’t even one yet. The baby had no chance. Boy it got a screwed up life. Guess it’s better that it ended quick, but I still cry about it all the time.

            On a happier note, though, Steph’s having a great party and I get to drink again. It’ll be my coming home party and so I’m the guest of honour. Her brother’s getting some classy drinks for us and her parents will be in Arizona. It’ll be a pretty big deal. It will be hard to go back though. What I lost down those stairs will always be with me.

Le Monde

One thing that I really really would like to do in my lifetime is travel!! I think that that would be absolutely brilliant to see the Eiffel Tower, or the Colosseum, or the Great Barrier Reef! It would be such an experience to be able to get around the world and see such exquisite relics and natural wonders! And it is so easy to travel the world, with hundreds of flights all over the place. AMAZING. Anyways, here are my top destinations that I would like to go to:

1. France – This has been my dream for pretty much every, specifically Paris. There are so many amazing attractions here: The french cuisine, the Eiffel Tower, the Mona Lisa, the amazing architecture, cute cobblestone roads… I can’t think of anything bad about France, it’s basically a dream.

2. Australia – My dream is to go to Australia after my fifth year to work for about 8 months. I want to go here because first off, it is warm. Secondly it’s amazing, beachy, home to the Great Barrier Reef, home to many animals such as koalas and kangaroos, outback, cool accents, as well as home to the famous opera house. It seems more real than the “magical” Paris, but I think it would be an amazing place to have gone to.

3. Italy – Italy would be SPECTACULAR!! Home to the famous cities of Rome and Florence, it is full of beautiful history that would actually be interesting. I could visit the Colosseum (Coliseum… apparently it has two spellings) and Pompeii’s ruins, plus Italian food is so delicious. Italy is high on my list of dream vacations.

And this one’s a little bit of a rando…
4. Bora Bora – Bora Bora, I never would have thought about it because it’s always talked about as a really far away hot place, but I looked at pictures and it is gorgeous!! I posted a picture, and you can just see how blue the water is, how natural the scenery is, and it’s very low-key lacking the masses of people and architecture(as beautiful as that can be at times *cough*France*Italy*cough), but It’s so peaceful and serene looking! I think it would be beautiful and so relaxing!

I Love You + PDAs

“I’ll see you after class.”

“No, I have to drop this off for a teacher. I won’t see you until after school.”

“Oh. I can’t wait.”

“See you later.”

“I LOVE YOU.”

Imagine this exchange of words between a tall boy and a blonde little girl locked in an embrace. UGH.

This bothers me so much. Disgusting displays of affection in public. PDAs are definietly a huge pet peeve of mine. Okay, holding hands is inoffensive on occassion (as long as you two are not locked together 24/7) and a really cute couple can pull off a goodbye peck or soemthing, but high school relationships have gotten so public it is ridiculous. I hate walking through the halls and seeing the same two people walking hand-in-hand everywhere together, never seeing them separated, gazing into each other’s eyes. When they’re torn apart for class they hug for a really long time, might even give each other a long painful kiss and head off for the hour without their sweetie. It makes me sick. It’s 75 freaking minutes. Let me give you a little perspective. My boyfriend lives 1 1/2 hours away. I get to seem him every other weekend if I am lucky. I’m thinking these couples who can hardly last 2 hours are maybe a little dependent.

And PDAs and clingy-ness is just the tip of the iceburg. I hate that they said “I love you” to each other. They’re grade 9 or 10s… how can they be in love? To me the words “I love you” carry a LOT of meaning and sentiment and should be used wisely when in the context of a significant other. I admit to saying “I love you” to friends and family, but when it comes to my boyfriend I’ve rarely said it, if ever. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about him, I do immensely, but I’m aware of the heavy meaning of those words and I don’t just want to go tossing those around whenever. It’s for special moments and special feelings.

Anyways, that’s my little rant about PDAs & “I love you”s. Obviously it’s different with different people… I hate PDA’s… in fact I aviod holding my bf’s hand in public (I know I sound like a cold, horrible and feelingless person, but to me, especially since we haven’t been dating a LONG time, that is all personal and private stuff) yet some of my friends love it and say that they enjoy pdas because it shows they’re not embarrassed or ashamed to be with that person. Different opinions I guess. How do you and your sweetie act publically?

No More Moolah

Money is such a stupid thing. I hate it. Mostly a lot. You  need it for nearly everything! I’m not going to lie, there are times when I don’t go out with my friends because they’re going out to a movie or to dinner and I just do not want to spend the money. But what is the alternative? It’s really hard to think of exciting things to do without spending money. I would much rather spend my money on clothes or maybe save it, because I plan on going to university some time. So what am I supposed to do? Do you ever have this problem? What do you do?

I’m just going to brainstorm a few ideas that could be fun to do that won’t cost as much money (I hope):

1. Make dinner yourself – decorate the table, make a centerpiece, try out a gourmet recipe, light candles, be creative!
2. Play sardines or Hide-and-Go-Seek in the dark, inside or outside. That’s always a good time.
3. Have a bonfire (okay.. in the summer okay?) Roast marshmallows and weiners.
4. If you and your friends have a tv show in common get together regularly to watch it… make t-shirts. Everyone loves t-shirts.
5. Go tobogganing or build a snowman.
6. Get dressed up in crazy clothes and take a lot of pictures! Pictures last, and it will be fun. Oh that’s a good one.
7. Have an all-nighter and watch movies or play video games all night long. Sit in your pajamas (mmm) and eat popcorn.

… okay so maybe I have a couple of ideas. But yeah I am definitely WAY too lazy to go out and spend my money.

EJ Cons

Elton John!! A classic eh? I have a greatest hits cd of him, and I’m not going to lie, I love it!! So it is really exciting that he is coming to the Kitchener Aud to perform. Unfortunately the tickets got sold out nearly immediately, and I had zero chance of getting any, so I won’t be going, but he’ll be so close it’s crazy.

People waited in line at the Aud to get tickets through a very cold night and many were even turned away. The people who did get tickets got a limit of six each.

The problem is that there has been a lot of drama lately about the city councillors getting a free ticket and a shot at tickets that weren’t available to the public. People are upset, because they feel that these officials should be waiting in line in the cold along with all the hardcore EJ fans! Is that right?

I think that’s part right, because the city councillors didn’t get a limit on the number of tickets they could buy, and some did buy many more than the public’s limit of six, but at the same time, that is part of the perk of working for city council. Everyone at their respective jobs get perks. Some, as my mom pointed out are teachers get snow days. This year alone they have gotten more than one full week off of school where they are getting paid. That’s not too shabby.

So is it really that big a deal that they get some tickets that we don’t? Don’t you think this thing got just a little bit blown out of porportion? I do.

http://news.therecord.com/News/CanadaWorld/article/312724

Fifi Trixibell??

So I have been noticing the trend in Hollywood of having babies. Apparently that’s cool, and everybody seems to be doing it. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Angelina Jolie, Gwen Stefani… there are so many more. Too many to name. I feel sorry for the kids for a number of reasons. The first being that it does not seem fair for them to be born into the limelight. For many of them, they will appear in People and Ok magazines a gazillion more times than any of us would ever even appear in a local newspaper. It’s not their choice, yet they’re stuck with this consequence. I feel like if the actors are so public and busy with their own lives they shouldn’t be having babies. Maybe taking time off or moving into a less publicized field if you’re so desperate for children?

Secondly a number of these kids are born by accident or just because of the trend. Their parents aren’t prepared for taking care of their children (cough *britney* cough) and can’t handle it. These kids are going to be SO messed up when they grow up. I’m a little bit worried.

Thirdly: These kids have the most ridiculous names!! Granted, not all of them (okay Britney’s alright in this category), but so many have such crazy names. Apple? Suri? They’re so odd. Unique names are fun, but some are downright insane! I found this website that lists the 50 craziest celebrity baby names. It included names like: Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo (both born to Jamie & Jules Oliver); Zola Ivy (born to Eddie Murphy & Nicole Mitchell); Jermajesty (born to Jermaine Jackson & Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza)… the list goes on. It is pretty much ridiculous.

Maybe let’s all try to not have babies for the heck of it.

Check out more of the names: http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article2130988.ece

Ahh Life

Don’t you wish you had a choice? To grow up or to stay young? Which would you choose? I have always thought that I wanted to grow up. I wanted to be able to drive, have my own car and independence, move into my own house or apartment, buy my own food, make my own meals, host my own parties, all that independence stuff, and being in control of my life!

The other day, though, I was hanging out with a friend I hadn’t seen in a loooooonnnnng time and realized how sad that I was about that, and how that was probably going to happen more in the future. This past summer I went to a camp for the summer, and met a lot of great people, but even now it is hard to keep in touch with them and I hardly get to see them because they live far away. And when I do finally have a weekend off to see them, I’m torn between hanging out with my friends nearby, or spending my entire weekend in St Catharines. It’s really hard to balance all that along with school work and my part-time job. But this made me realize that maybe I don’t want to grow up and lose some of my closest friends that I value so much right now. I mean in a few years we may be off at different universities scattered all over Ontario, or wherever. It’s sad to think about it.

So I can’t decide what I want…. if I want to grow up or to stay young. I guess I have no choice, but now that it’s slipping away I’m kind of wanting it more. What about you?

A Thousand Splendid Suns

For my english ISU one of the books that I read was A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. This book was ridiculously good!! I loved it.

This books is about two women who come from different backgrounds and eventually cross paths. It tells the story of how they find happiness through each other.

Yes. The description sounds pretty lame and cheesey, but it’s actually such an amazing story. It’s more of a girls’ book, basically because it’s about women and so it’s more relatable and emotional in that way.

It was really enjoyable, though, I would recommend it to any girl who wants a good book to read!

As well, I went to see a movie the other weekend, and there was a very well put together preview for a movie called “The Other Boleyn Girl”. Than in the library the other day, a book with that exact title was lying on one of the tables, so I started reading it. It was so good! I’m really excited to have time to just sit down and read it, because I’m hooked. I can’t wait to read that book and than see the movie when it comes out. It looks exciting!